Summer Roof Maintenance Because We’re All Going to Die

Hello there. You probably opened this page thinking you’d farm some tips to post on your business page’s blog. You’re here because you want to be the top-ranking search result for “summer roof maintenance.” That’s all. So, you clicked on this link, because unlike all the other results, we’re not one of your competitors. We’re fair game, so by all means, repurpose this content and link back to us without fear of losing customers. Seem too good to be true?

When to Inspect the Roof

I’m here to tell you you’re dying.

You’re getting old. Don’t deny it.

Slowly but surely, your mortal coil shuffles off, leaving ever-increasing soreness and regret in its place. Your skin sags. Your organs fail. Your libido withers away. Day by agonizing day, the world rapidly outpaces your ability to tolerate its bullshit. God, you would give anything to be young again.

Time’s inevitable march beats steadfastly, forcing your stiffening joints to keep in step. Damn this bitter parade. You can try to delay or reduce the pain by eating properly and exercising. You can take measures to ward off losing your dignity and livelihood to some debilitating, terminal condition. Maybe your loved ones will thank you for it. Maybe they won’t.

Anyway, you should maintain your roof regularly, because it saves you money in the long run! It’s like preventing diabetes, except on top of your house! Cool, huh? Check out these really exciting, helpful tips and share them with potential clients! Wait, where are you going? Is it something I said?

There, I fixed it.